Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I had a mundanely productive day today. Haircut. Washed car. Got oil changed. I guess those are examples of things that are extremely boring for blog readers to read.

On the other hand some of my classmates and I got a lot of video editing done for the annual skit night production. We are absolutely on track to have a larger and intensely more funny presentation than last year's class managed to muster.

We are now moving right along on the path to buying a new home in Lexington. It's amazing how complicated it can be to secure a loan when you're going to have plenty of income in less than 4 months, but the fact that you have zero income when applying for the loan automatically puts you into what might as well be the loser group of home mortgage options. I'm very disappointed with the whole process right now.

On a brighter note, our internet browsing of home listings has produced numerous homes that we would be very happy in, so at least once we get up there in a few weeks we'll have plenty to choose from.

So, I haven't picked up any good stories lately, but I thought of an old one. There was once an ER attending who never trusted anything that a medical student told him and rechecked things for which there was no need to recheck them. So one day there was this lady with constipation and occasional blood in the feces. Obviously time for a rectal exam, which was normal, which means heme negative and normal tone (the sphincter is tight to a normal degree). Keep in mind that a large proportion of our patients have stories that don't make medical sense with their physical exam. Anyway, I expected normal tone in this lady and that's what I found.

So, the attending wanted to repeat this part of the exam. So he donned a glove and inserted a finger. He begins to scowl, which is usually followed by some explicit explanation to the student that he is a dumbass. He inserts another finger and the scowl hardens. Uh oh. In a loud voice, in that way that tries to let the entire ER know that the student doesn't know even basic exam skills he announces, "You call that normal tone, this sphincter is very flaccid". Then, as if you readers didn't see this one coming when I started the second paragraph, the patient, in her best ghetto-like accent and probably offended by the word flaccid, belts out "That ain't my butt". Yes, I can't believe I just shared that story.

The worst part, it is absolutely true and occurred in a university medical center. Terrifying. It was definitely worth it to see the guy that discusses which type of ammo has the best stopping power turn every shade of red on the color wheel.


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